"i felt that DESPITE the ad" (Page Vajaky)

from inside the bottle of rum, i hear a little voice, and it whispers to me, "get it right....i am NOT a gay Johnny Weissmuller..."


dementia developed

more ruminations from "Cantina Lorna."

Three women run through across a dirt road during a freak storm. The mud slops up onto their clothing. Their anticipated yells of calamitous injustice upon them reach the ears of a lonely pair of urchins.

Oh please, you are NOT using that clichéd word again, are you?

(pause for two seconds) It’s set in the correct time period.

Get a towel to wipe my apologetic tears. I don’t care. Use something else.

…The URCHINS HEAR THE LADIES! TH….. They cringe at the sight of muddied clothing, as peeping through low brush reveals the unfortunate scene. Ok, I should change that. (sputtering)

Well, you should change a lot more. I’m going to get some more coffee and have a piss. Make sure you include the bit about the glue huffing, or maybe ass in the shit-bag huffing.

Oh c’mon. First of all, no. Second of all, the “shit-bag huffing” as you call it is just something the modern Internet community has picked up on with moist little hands, and it’s nothing more than Geraldo crap anyways. And third of all, this isn’t a stupid little poor attempt at a H. S. Thompson parody. Go watch Kids if you want.

(intangible whispers)

….and for the record, I didn’t really like Kids the second time anyways.

Oh please gimme a break! (interrupts) You practically creamed yourself over Kids. You said it had big foreshadowings of where the industry was headed! AS IF you could prevent yourself form being ENAMORED!

Ok Ok! Shut….the fuck up, geez. (placating)

( Sighs) Just go get more coffee. Pick me one up, too?

Oh, so now I should get up to pick you up one up, too, now should I?

I am gaseous today.

RRRRRRRRIIIIIGGHT! That is my cue

(Eighteen scored seconds pass. Freighters load embezzled money in Bayonne moments after killing four seagulls via smash n bash technique. A demented old lady gets struck on the right foot by a wayward skateboard in Dyker Heights. A muscle-man receives enough radiation exposure to make his chances of skin cancer 30% higher within the next ten years in Santa Monica. A 24-year old man gets arrested for trafficking marijuana just over the California/Utah border. The Northwest Passage opens up. More college kids turn to Odin worship.)

Hey, what ever happened to Craig? Didn’t he move out to Eureka to start a hemp farm? And as a follow-up, should we visit him?

Ah, Craig was full of shit most of the time. He probably is bum that hitchhikes around Humboldt County with little ambition of ever finding something steady. The “hemp farm” was probably just a ploy to get you to stop asking questions.

I don’t think so. I think he is more of the type that would have some good intention to start something, “Start Today, straight ahead, hey let’s get up n go” type of attitude.

Like the Beach Boys!

A-ha…..of course, like the Beach….Boys. yes…well, uh….so. He probably fell of the high road and got into fiending off other people with the prospect of something like a hemp farm creeping in the conversation in order to seduce the person he’s just met into helping him out. He’s a good intentioned manipulator.

And you my dear Josef Breuer are the most convincing Freud groupie I’ve encountered yet. I need to finish this.

Fine with me. I guess I’ll just take this automated stenographer elsewhere.

Oh c’mon Stanley……STANLEY!